


fear of being wrong

by Stasawe



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on currently situation, Betaed, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous, LS mention, Lider and Nisqy mention, M/M, Nemesis leaving Fnatic, Oskar is an asshole, Rumors, They have their happy ending, both of them are stupid, pain and suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stasawe/pseuds/Stasawe
Summary: The announcement of the new Fnatic midlaner wasn’t surprising. Nemesis was ready to leave Fnatic. He knew he didn't fit in and that replacing him was the best for the team. However, he did not expect everything to end in such a way.
Relationships: Oskar "Selfmade" Boderek/Tim "Nemesis" Lipovšek
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	fear of being wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u so much to hexburn (thestormapproaches) for being my beta reader for this one-shot ;; love u so much, I'm so happy u helped me with this <333

The announcement of the new Fnatic midlaner wasn’t surprising. Everyone already knew it because of the rumors and the confirmations that Jacob Wolf and BloopGG published on Twitter days before.

Nemesis was ready to leave Fnatic. He knew he didn't fit in and that replacing him was the best for the team. However, he did not expect everything to end in such a way.

* * *

During Worlds, the arguments between him and Selfmade increased every day. He couldn’t remember a single moment when Oskar wasn't making fun of him by mentioning Nick.

_ “Yeah, keep sucking LS’ dick, that’s all what you can do.’’ _

After the quarter-finals and the loss to TES, everything got worse.

Rekkles went back to Sweden with his family, Hylissang and Bwipo were with their girlfriends, and he and Selfmade were in the office together. At least, only for a few days as Nemesis planned to return to Slovenia during the offseason.

It was uncomfortable. It was very uncomfortable. Since when did everything go to hell? Since when did their relationship go from bad to worse?

At the beginning, they did everything together. Selfmade always took the initiative and asked Nemesis what he wanted to order for lunch. Selfmade always brought him some candy. Selfmade used to be thorough with him, used to worry that he would eat well, used to treat him well. Selfmade used to smile at him, Selfmade used to pat his shoulder lovingly.

Selfmade used to be his friend.

What now? Now they don't even talk to each other. Neither of them says anything and each focuses on their own affairs. It’s like the other doesn’t even exist.

Nemesis didn't want any of this to happen, but he still had his pride to maintain. He wasn't going to let it get to him… at least, that's what he thought.

_ “Let’s bench him, otherwise it’s pointless! At this point just get Lider. At least he wouldn't die in a Lee Sin lvl 3 gank.’’ _

Tim didn't want to eavesdrop on Oskar's conversations, but his jungler wasn't even trying to hide them. He didn’t mince words, he was always honest with his thoughts and he had made it quite clear.

Deep down, Tim wants to talk about it. Tim wants to talk to Oskar, he wants to tell him that he's fed up, that he's sick of all this shit. That he can't stand being ignored as if they were elementary school kids. That he can't stand that their friendship has gone to shit.

And, as much as he wants to say it, he can't. He won’t apologize.

If this is how all is going to end, so be it. Nemesis isn’t the one who is wrong.

The day before going back to Slovenia, Selfmade did not even say goodbye to him. He just nodded as Tim said “bye’’.

It doesn't hurt. Nemesis doesn't care, really. What matters if his relationship with Selfmade is not what it used to be? What matters if now they're like strangers?

* * *

They haven't talked since then.

Not a single message on Discord, not a single call. Only one Twitch host probably thanks to chat spamming  _ "host nemesis" _ .

Oh, Twitch chat. At this point, the hateful messages Tim receives no longer affect him as much as they used to. They are annoying, but no worse than the  _ "selfmade duo" _ . Duo Selfmade? As if Oskar wanted to play duo with Tim. That’s in the past. Oskar hates Tim's playstyle.

And speaking of duos, it seems Oskar has come up with a much better one.

When Nemesis checks Twitch, he can't help but keep an eye on Selfmade's stream. And, just as he expected, Selfmade is playing duo with Lider. 

Looks like they are having fun... they are having so much fun. Nemesis shouldn't mind, he knows perfectly well that he has no right to be jealous. The best he can do is to close Twitch and forget about it, Tim has to move on. However, it is not that simple. As much as he wants to stop watching Oskar's stream, he can't help but keep watching, keep hearing them laughing and joking. And for a while, Tim remembers the old days. Did Oskar used to laugh so much when they played together too? Probably not.

Oskar's laugh hurts. It hurts a lot because Tim misses him. He misses him too much, hearing him laughing like that, joking so much, having so much fun...

It seems that, in the end, it’s impossible. They are both different. It’s normal for Oskar to look for someone who is more like him, and Lider seems to be the right person.

* * *

_ “Good night, I love you.’’ _

_ “I love you too.’’ _

A somewhat nostalgic dream awakens Oskar, reminding him that he is alone, that Nemesis has returned to Slovenia and that his farewell wasn’t what he expected. However, the worst part is that ever since Tim left, he has been dreaming about him every day.

Why does he have to dream about him? Why does he have to remember those days when they played duo together and had fun? All those nice words they dedicated to each other, all the compliments Selfmade paid him… it was like they were friends. Were they such good friends? Oskar can't even say for sure —all he is sure of is that all good things come to an end, and there is nothing left between him and Nemesis.

First of all, was there ever something between the two of them?

When they were at MAD Lions they used to sleep together. When they split up and Nemesis went to Fnatic and Selfmade to SK they used to talk every day at night before going to sleep. The problem started when Oskar also joined Fnatic.

What was promised to be a happy future of many years together turned into hell as the months passed. Oskar's illusion faded with time, and their relationship grew increasingly bitter and boring.

_ "Boring.'' _

If Selfmade had to describe Nemesis in one word, that would be the one he would use.

* * *

There is no one in the office, Oskar has to get used to being alone for a long time. He doesn't miss Nemesis, really. It feels perfectly good, Fnatic is finally going to have a good midlaner. He's never going to have to deal with Tim again… and it hurts. For some reason, it hurts. Throughout the day, he unconsciously directs his gaze towards Nemesis' chair, losing track of time and sinking into thoughts that constantly haunt him.

He decides to stream in the afternoon to avoid thinking about him. He wants to avoid it, he wants to forget everything... but he can't. And the worst comes when he decides to play duo with Lider, believing that this is the way he can have fun for a while, and it turns out that Nemesis is also on his team. When he sees Tim picking Annie, the first thing Oskar thinks about is whether Tim is with LS.

He gets mad just by the fact of imagining Tim laughing and joking with Nick. He's fed up with LS, and although Tim is actually playing alone, Oskar can't help but feel so angry.

He doesn’t want to admit it, he isn’t even aware that the problem started because of him. Because he felt that LS was taking Tim away from him, because he felt that he was turning Tim into a completely different person. Nemesis was no longer the same Nemesis from MAD Lions, and Oskar, deep down, blamed LS for it.

He was jealous. He has been jealous all this time, but it wasn't his fault. He isn't the one to blame for anything, Selfmade is not the one who is wrong.

He thinks he can deal with his day to day without problems, but it’s not like that. Oskar usually had a good sleep schedule —he went to sleep at 12 am and got up at 8 am. However, as the days pass, he can’t sleep well. 

Fnatic considered a lot of new midlaners, and choosing just one was the hardest task of all.

Having to pretend on stream every day that he doesn’t know anything and trying to ignore all the comments regarding Nemesis isn’t easy. At night, he cannot sleep, and even if he gets up at 10 am, then he falls asleep again until 2 pm. He feels more and more tired and his mood goes from bad to worse.

What was his problem? Every day is worse than the last and he feels the need to do something. He's sick of everything, he's sick of feeling so bad.

He needs to know what's happening to him and why he can only think about Tim.

* * *

_ Sources: @FNATIC have reach made verbal commitments to @Cloud9 to sign @Nisqylol , replacing Nemesis as their midlaner for the 2021 #LEC season. _

Nemesis had already accepted that he was out. Rather, he himself knows that it is the best decision. He doesn’t feel bad, he doesn’t feel frustrated —it’s the opposite. He feels calm because he will no longer have to deal with so much hatred. He will no longer have to deal with Oskar, with those endless arguments, with that hatred hidden between glances, with the unbearable tension of being together and alone in the gaming house...

But he is fooling himself. He still has a lot to deal with. Memories of the past that continually haunt him, promises that now seem like mere empty words, inevitable dreams that wake him up at night...

_ “I chose Fnatic because I think it's the team that has the most potential to actually win the World Championship in League of Legends... and also because there is my soulmate, Nemesis. I just want to play with him, I believe it's a destiny. ’’ _

Tim remembers Oskar's words perfectly. He can't help but remember all the good times they had together, kind words and smiles that are now gone.

Everything is in the past and still... Nemesis can only think about Selfmade. He doesn’t know why, rather, he doesn’t want to admit why. It hurts so much that he feels the need to do something, whatever. Anything to make that horrible feeling go away —that stabbing pain in his chest from knowing the only thing left between him and Oskar is contempt.

He can only think about how much Oskar must hate him, how happy he must be to know that Nemesis is out of Fnatic. And Tim, deep down, hates him too. He hates him so much because he has become the owner of his thoughts.

He hates that Selfmade is the person he's fallen in love with. He hates him so much and at the same time he loves him. Tim loves him so much till it hurts, he loves him so much that he wishes he could get rid of that feeling.

Unconsciously and without thinking, he opens Discord, looks at the last message he has sent to Selfmade and spends some minutes staring at the screen without doing anything. Just waiting for a message, just waiting for a call that will never come.

He knows nothing is going to happen and he is being too optimistic, so he decides to close Discord and try, once again, to do something to try to forget Oskar.

However, something catches his attention before he can do anything.

_ selfmade is typing... _

He waits for the answer and tries to be patient, but after a while Selfmade stops writing. Nemesis sighs, realizing that he shouldn't give it more importance. There is no point in staying stuck in the past, there is no point in doing something...

_ nemesis: hey _

However, he can't help it. He needs to talk. He needs to talk with Oskar right now.

_ selfmade: hey _

And Selfmade cannot ignore it. After plucking up his courage and realizing he urgently needs to speak to Nemesis, he decides to try to write something, but he can’t. However, to his surprise, Tim was the one who decided to break the ice. It's now or never, Oskar has to swallow his pride for once —he has to be honest with himself.

_ selfmade: i think we need to talk _

_ Nemesis: i think so too _

It was very uncomfortable. At least, that's how it was at the beginning of the call.

Neither of them knew how to start or what to say. There was so much they wanted to talk about, so many things they felt and wanted to make clear. Because if they don't do it now, they will have to live with it, and neither of them was able to bear it.

“I'm an asshole, I know it,’’ Selfmade is the first one to say something, and his voice sounds broken, desperate, full of guilt.

“Yeah, I know it,’’ Nemesis responds, letting out a sigh of acceptance and gathering the courage to open up once and for all, “I'm sorry too.’’

“... Why?’’ asks the jungler without expecting that statement from the Slovenian midlaner.

“For not being enough, I guess.’’

“Enough for what?’’

“Enough for you.’’ 

Tim's voice is weak and ragged, and Oskar doesn’t know how to feel about it, or rather, he doesn’t want to accept what he’s feeling. In these moments, he wants to hug Nemesis. He wants to hug him and ask for forgiveness again, he wants to tell him that he’s fed up with everything, that he wants to regain the relationship they had before. However, it’s not possible. Selfmade should’ve hugged him when he could, now it’s too late, he shouldn’t regret having done anything, and thinking about it makes him angry. He knows that it’s one of his defects and any little thing can piss him off more than it should. Right now, it’s happening again.

“What do you mean?’’ Oskar responds in an irritated tone that Tim picks up easily. “Of course you're enough for me!’’

“Yeah, sure, look at us now,’’ applies the midlaner, raising his voice with some derision, “well, I don't know about you, but I feel like shit.”

“Yeah, and I also feel like shit,’’ adds Selfmade, being completely honest with what he feels.

“No way,’’ and yet, Nemesis doesn't believe him, “stop pretending you care.’’

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Oskar screams without being able to control his emotions, angry and having one of those many arguments that he had already all the year with Tim.

“No, that's my question. What’s wrong with you? How can you have changed so much?”

“Nah, but I can't believe what I'm hearing, Neme. I really can't. You’re the one who has changed. Sucking LS’ dick all the time and using that robot fake and annoying personality.”

“Why do you always have to include LS in everything? Always making fun of him and me, being rude and a fucking asshole that doesn’t care about anyone. I guess people don't call you L9 for nothing.”

“What do you mean?! I always used to be nice to you!”

“See, you're also saying it. You used to be.’’

“Because you also stopped being nice with me! I was tired of being ignored, I was so fucking tired of being a fucking second option for you all the time. You started acting cold, just like if you wanted to keep distance between us.’’

"What? I wasn’t trying to do that… You’re the one who stopped talking to me. "

“Wait, that’s not true.”

“Of course it is. And you also started playing duo with other people.’’

“Because I thought you didn’t want to play with me anymore!’’

“What? That doesn’t make sense. Whatever, just stop pretending. You were tired of me, dude, I heard everything. Do you think I wouldn't realize?”

“Okay, yeah, I fucked it up, I hate it, and I fucking hate you.”

Hurts being aware of it, but hearing him saying it directly hurts even more. It was all a lie, Selfmade didn't really care about Nemesis. At least, that's what Tim believed.

“But that's what I thought,’’ Oskar continues, without giving Tim time to respond, “I can't stop thinking about you, all the fucking days are the same shit. No matter what I do to distract myself, I always end up thinking about you. It’s so fucking stupid, right?”

“Yeah, I also hate you so much,” Tim continues, deciding to be honest with what he feels, “After everything we've been through together, after all these years, I had the feeling it was a lie. All the shit you've spilled and how you treated me had affected me more than I thought. And I wish it had been easy to erase you from my life, but no, I couldn't. I could not stop thinking about you.”

“I swear… I fucking swear I've never wanted to hurt you.” Oskar sighs, fed up and tired, wanting to end it all at once. “I'm just a fucking idiot that doesn't think before doing things.”

“Yeah, I know, and that's why I'm also so fucking stupid.”

“What? Why?”

“I mean… nevermind.” Tim decides not to say anything, the situation has gotten out of hand and he is mentally tired.

He can't think straight, He just wants to hang up the call. He isn’t capable of assimilate everything he has heard, nor is he able to tell if what Oskar has said is true or not.

“Come on, what do you mean?” Selfmade insists, refusing to end everything without an answer.

“Nah, nothing. It's just…”

“Is it that hard to say?” Oskar complains again.

Nemesis sighs. He knows it might be a mistake to say it, but it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't care what Selfmade thinks, he just wants to get rid of that weight and say what he feels.

“I love you.”

There is a brief silence between the two, and Tim expects the worst. He expects to hear Oskar laugh at any moment, he expects to hear him tease him, he expects to receive a negative response.

“I think I love you too.’’

But it's not like that.

“Wait, what?” Nemesis asks, still unable to process what he just heard, “why are you not laughing?”

“What? Why would I? Well, I didn’t want to accept it, but you left me no choice, it is what it is.”

“Well…’’

Another awkward silence appears between them, and neither knows how to continue or what to say. Nemesis feels his heartbeat racing —he knows perfectly well that Selfmade is not lying this time. Meanwhile, Oskar can't help but grin like an idiot as he realizes that they were indeed both very stupid.

At that moment, all Selfmade wants to do is buy a direct flight ticket to Slovenia. He wants to hug Tim, and he wants to do it right now.

“Fuck it, see you tomorrow.’’ Oskar ends, hanging up the call and leaving Tim with more questions than answers.

“What…?’’

* * *

It’s true that they won’t play together again in Fnatic. It’s true that they had and probably will continue to have many stupid and pointless discussions. And, although it’s true that their point of view of League is totally opposite and nothing is going to make them change their minds, they no longer care. They both know they want and need to be together —they both know they are nothing more than fools in love. League of Legends will never ruin the relationship they have.

All their doubts and insecurities are gone. There’s no fear of being wrong anymore.

“Really…?” Nemesis sighs and can't help but smile slightly when he reads the message Oskar sent him a couple of hours ago.

_ selfmade: omw to slovenia, i’ll be there around 12pm, you better be waiting for me at the airport uwu _

Tim just woke up with some pretty unexpected news. Now he has to take a taxi that takes about 40 minutes to get to the nearest airport in Sevnica to pick up Oskar, and he probably has to make up an excuse for him to stay at home for a few days as well.

_ “You idiot…’’ _

* * *

The wait seems eternal because, indeed, Nemesis also wants to see Selfmade. He didn't expect Oskar to make such a stupid decision, but honestly, Tim is happy. They had told each other how much they hated each other, what they hated about each other, and yet the feeling of love they felt was much stronger. They wanted to stay together no matter what. No matter how many flaws they might find in the other, they seem capable of accepting them.

“You don’t look so happy to see me here.”

The voice of the young jungler takes him out of his thoughts and makes him react, smiling slightly and getting up from the seat where he was waiting. Selfmade wears a black sweatshirt and joggers from Fnatic along with a cap that he loves so much. Also, he is only carrying a small backpack and a not very large suitcase as luggage.

“So... what the fuck are you doing here?” That’s the first thing Tim says, looking into Oskar’s eyes and appreciating how a mischievous smile appears on his face.

“I wanted to see you,” he answers, taking off his cap, placing it on top of the suitcase and getting even closer to Nemesis.

Tim is unable to describe the warmth he feels when he is being surrounded by Oskar's arms. A long-awaited hug, a hug that, this time, wasn’t empty. A hug full of feelings, nostalgic, that reminded him of those days when they were together at MAD Lions. He missed it, Nemesis missed that feeling so much.

In those moments, the young Slovenian wishes to stop the time. But they both know it's time to break the hug after the exaggerated amount of seconds that has passed.

“Wow, it looks like you can be so sweet when you want to,” Nemesis says as he pulls away, lowering his gaze somewhat shyly, “honestly, I don't remember the last time you hug me,” he ends, looking into his eyes again.

“I can be more sweet than this,” Selfmade assures and, before Tim can answer, he breaks the little distance between them, passing his arms around the Slovenian's waist, closing his eyes and joining his lips in a sweet kiss, delicate at first, vigorous as the seconds pass.

They go unnoticed by the crowd of people at the airport, but still, at that moment, no one cares if someone is watching.

Oskar takes all the kiss initiative, seeking to break through with his tongue, realizing how inexperienced Tim is and how completely he is letting go. Nemesis just let Selfmade guide him and enjoy the new long-awaited experience with the stupid person he's fallen in love with. After a few seconds, both slowly open their eyes and separate, exchanging a slight smile.

“Neme, you didn’t tell me that you’ve never kissed before,” the Polish jungler scoffs, giggling and making Tim roll his eyes, “so cute”.

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> At first, this fanfic was going to have a sad ending because with all the offseason rumors, it seemed like something had happened between sm and nemesis and they weren't friends anymore ;; but then they started to host each other and play call of duty together and ;;;; THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS ;;;; NEMEMADE STILL ALIVE, they deserved a happy ending.  
> inspired by the song "por el miedo a equivocarnos - maldita nerea".  
> Thank u so much hexburn for being my beta reader <333 ;;;


End file.
